Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
