I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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