Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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