he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I will pee on everything he values.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
