It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
