Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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