4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
