One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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