Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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