ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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