Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
