I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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