She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
