Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
