Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
