whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
