So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
