I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
