doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
