I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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