I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
