Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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