I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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