If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
