Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
