i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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