so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
