do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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