Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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