why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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