i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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