Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
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I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
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Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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