Yo dont text me then not text me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
