You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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