So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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