What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
