he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
