I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
