Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
