I accidentally had phone sex last night
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
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some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
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