even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
