I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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