you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(