Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
