it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
