so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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