Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
did i walk over a car last night?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
