The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You can't motorboat a personality
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
