she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
