You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
