He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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