I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
