I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
