Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
