just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
