So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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