all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
