butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
