Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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