Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
