Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
try to milk me bitch
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
