so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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