Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
