did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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