Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize